The Story...

Warning: This post contains matter dealing with loss of pregnancy...

This is mostly for my record...

12 week baby bump (or lack of, weight -7)

Sunday 11/14/10

On Thursday 12/9/10 I lost my seventh pregnancy at 15 weeks, 4 days. I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday at 5 weeks. I called my Dr. the next morning and I was on Progesterone and baby aspirin by that evening. We were really hoping that my Progesterone levels were the reason I have had such a hard time staying pregnant. I was on Progesterone and baby aspirin with Maddox and he was my only full term baby. This pregnancy was pretty much complication free until around 9 weeks. I was very nauseas and tired as with previous pregnancies. I was taking Zofran which helped a little but I was still pretty miserable and had lost some weight. I started spotting around 9 weeks and had my first ultrasound at 10 weeks, 5 days on 11/5/10. Everything looked perfect and there were no signs of any bleeds on the ultrasound. The bleeding varied from light spotting to heavier like a period but never stopped. I had my second ultrasound at 11 weeks, 4 days on 11/11/10. Once again everything looked perfect and there were no signs of bleeds. It was noted that I had a very low placenta and that could possibly be the cause of the bleeding. Any type of lifting or pressure on the placenta could cause it to bleed. I was told to take it easy and rest as much as possible and not lift at all. I had my third ultrasound at 14 weeks, 2 days on 11/29/10. Once again everything looked perfect and there were no signs of bleeds (I also found out it was a girl and was so excited!) I was suppose to be on the Progesterone suppositories daily through 12 weeks and then start the Progesterone shots weekly for weeks 16-36. It has been shown to help with those who have had prior preterm deliveries. I had some extra suppositories and decided to use them instead of throw them away so I took them until 13 weeks 2 days. So at the time of my third ultrasound I had been off Progesterone for one week and was just waiting until I was 16 weeks to start the shots. I mentioned that to the Dr. and wondered if it might be a possibility that that was the reason I was bleeding heavier. I already had the progesterone and all the supplies for the shots so he said to go ahead and start the shots then rather than wait until 16 weeks. Steve (having prior medical experience) gave me the shots those two weeks. On Wednesday 12/8/10 I started cramping and bleeding heavier and I had a rough night that night and wasn't able to sleep much at all. Looking back now I'm pretty sure I was having contractions and not just cramping. I had contractions on and off all day Thursday. I went into the Dr.'s office around 2PM for a heartbeat check and everything was normal. Steve and I had a friends annual Christmas party to go to and left the house at 5:30 PM. While we were driving to the party I started feeling like I did before I delivered Avery at 25 1/2 weeks. My contractions were only minutes apart and I was feeling lots of pressure. I let Steve know that we may have to leave the party early. We were at the party for around an hour and we decided we better leave before we made a big scene. My contractions were as close as 2 minutes apart. We went straight to the American Fork ER dressed to the nines-Steve in a suit and I in a blouse, pencil skirt and 4 inch heals. We were really frustrated at the lack of urgency at the ER (isn't that always the case!) We were checked in and put in a room and then waited for an ultrasound. It seemed like forever because I was in labor at this point and having contractions every two minutes. They were getting worse and at about 9pm (about an hour after arriving) my water broke in the middle of a really bad contraction. I was a bit hysterical at this point and Steve ran out of the room to call for help. Finally there was a sense of urgency and they took me in for an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech wouldn't give us any information but I already knew at that point that it was bad news. I was taken back to the original room and lifted on the sheet from one bed to the other. The ER doctor came in and told us the baby was no longer in my uterus and was already in the birth canal. The ultrasound tech wasn't able to see the baby on the ultrasound until he put the wand lower on my thigh and pointed it up and saw she was in the birth canal. I'm sure that is the reason he had me lifted to the original bed rather than stand up myself... he didn't want to be the one doing the delivery. As soon as the Dr. gave us the news he delivered our tiny little girl. She was so perfect and all her features were already so developed... tiny fingerprints, footprints, ears, etc. She was about 7 inches long fully extended. My placenta however wasn't so excited to make an exit. Steve had called my sister Stacy (who lives really close to the hospital) while we were driving there so she was able to come and be with us. Thanks so much Stacy! Shortly after the delivery they had a "bereavement specialist" come to my room. She was such a sweet caring lady and spent a couple hours there making a special package for me to take home while we were waiting for the placenta to (hopefully) pass. She made ink prints of the babies tiny feet and hands (that were about the size of Barbie feet and hands), made ceramic molds of her hands and feet, cleaned her up and put a little pink bow on her head, wrapped a tiny robe around her and wrapped her in a blanket. She took some pictures of her as well as a couple of pictures of me holding her. I held her for a few minutes. We decided at about 11PM that Steve better get home so he could take the babysitter home (who was only planning on babysitting until around 9PM.) My placenta still hadn't passed and we were still waiting to see if it would or if I would need a D&C. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to have a D&C because I was trying to minimize the medical bills. I even passed on being given any pain medication through all the contractions and waiting. I waited until 3AM (6 hours post delivery) and at that point the Dr. and I decided to proceed with the D&C. My body was still pumping blood to the placenta and since the baby had already been delivered I was just contracting and bleeding out. My hematocrit levels had started dropping and they were worried they would have to give me blood. So I was prepped for surgery, talked to the OB that had been called in to do the surgery, signed some consent forms and was taken into the OR at 3:08AM. I was given some anesthesia and was told I would be intubated and that is all I remember until after the surgery. While in recovery I mentioned my back hurt (I feel most of my labor pains through my back) and so I was given some Morphine and was out of it for several hours. I woke up around 8:30AM very emotional. Reality had set in and I felt so sad and defeated. I had a good cry and then my nurse came in to check on me and give me the menu for room service (which is awesome I must say.) I ordered some breakfast (veggie omelette-I had been craving one recently and some hash browns-which I love, and milk.) Steve and the kids showed up to pick me up around 10AM... I was so glad to see them. They were right in time for breakfast, so of course the kids insisted I share my food with them. We had just told the kids I was pregnant a week or so before so of course Maddy had some questions right when they got there. He asked me where the baby was and why she died. I was so sad but tried to explain to him that she went back to live with our Heavenly Father. He also let me know he still wants another sister AND a brother. I guess technically the kids have five other siblings that they will hopefully someday meet...

"My Sweet Baby

I held you physically

For a brief moment

I hold you in my

Heart for always..."

15 weeks, 4 days

Thursday 12/9/10

Steve was so so amazing through this whole process. He has always been so caring and supportive when I'm pregnant and this time around was no exception. He just took over pretty much all the household responsibilities. He would just come home from work and see what needed to be done (which was pretty much everything) and just do it without saying anything or complaining. He did dishes, laundry, cleaned toilets, floors, grocery shopped, Christmas shopped for the kids, etc. He would also come home every night and make his own dinner, spend time with the kids, bathe them and put them to bed. I was in bed before them the majority of the time. I kept waiting for him to get burned out and frustrated but it never happened...

Thanks so much Steve... you are my rock! You made it a lot easier for me to get through the days and I am so grateful to have you in my life. I love you more than you will ever know!