Loss...

Warning: This post contains matter dealing with loss of pregnancy and has lots of boring details (for my record.)

This past week I had my 4th pregnancy loss. That brings my record to 2/6. Not too good. I am so grateful for the two children that I have. Going through these trials makes me realize that they truly are miracles and I have been so blessed to have them in my life. The kids didn't know I was pregnant. I didn't think they would be able to understand how long it would take to actually have the baby if things worked out, and I didn't want to try explaining to them what happened if things didn't work out. Maddy drew the picture above on his "Doodle Pro" a few weeks ago before the more serious complications started. I was a bit taken back when he showed it to me because it was the first time I had seen him draw people (stick figures) at all and he drew our whole family. He pointed out to me that he drew Daddy, Me, Him and Avery and excitedly said "Look Mom we are all holding hands!" It was really special to me and I will never forget it-of course I had to take a picture before it was cleared.

My experience this time around was very similar to the one I had on August 18 of last year. However this pregnancy started out better than any of my prior pregnancies and I just had very minimal spotting until 8+ weeks. Of course I had the usual nausea and fatigue and lost some weight. I began to get my hopes up and think I might have a somewhat normal pregnancy. I even thought it might be the first time I made it to my first regularly scheduled appointment (2/18/10) before having to be seen for complications. Well I almost made it... missed it by one day. On 2/16/10 (8 weeks 4 days) I began bleeding heavier. It started within an hour of having this conversation with Maddy. It was a bitter/sweet evening. I called the Dr. the next morning (2/17/10) and went in for an ultrasound at 8 weeks 5 days.

The bleeding had mostly stopped and everything looked perfect on the ultrasound. The baby was measuring within a couple days of my due date and had a very strong heartbeat of 185 beats per minute (in early pregnancy 170-180 is normal.) Everything went smoothly for the next two weeks. Then on 3/3/10 (10 weeks 5 days) with no warning my water broke (it was small but still very clear to me what had happened.) For a couple hours after I was bleeding quite a bit. At this point I was pretty sure this pregnancy wasn't going to continue. The next day on 3/4/10 (10 weeks 6 days) I went in for my second ultrasound and they confirmed the pregnancy was no longer viable. However the pregnancy was still visible on the ultrasound so I had not passed all the tissue. I spoke to the Dr. about my options. He told me I could wait for my body to pass the tissue on it's own (which is very unpredictable-can take days or weeks), take some medication (Misoprostol) which causes the cervix to dilate and the uterine lining to shed or have a D & C. I decided to wait a week to see if my body would pass the tissue on it's own. It was a miserable week because I still felt pregnant (nausea and very tired) and was just waiting for it to be over with. Nothing happened so on 3/12/10 (12 weeks) I started taking the medication. I was really nervous to take the medicine knowing I was going to be in a lot of pain. As expected I had lots of cramping and spent lots of time in the bathroom. My digestive system was also a mess, which is one of the side effects. I ended up having to take 3 of the 4 doses (every 12 hours) so it made for a long two days (and nights.) My kids were also sick on those days. Avery had a bad cough, fever and runny nose and Maddy started coughing and had some kind of eye infection. I ended up coming down with the head cold stuff myself as well. I guess when it rains it pours.

Those of you that know Avery know that it is nearly impossible for her to hold still so there is no denying she wasn't feeling well. She also wants to eat anything in sight but didn't have an appetite at all.

Maddy wanted his picture taken as well with his Lego creation. Love these two so much!

Thanks Mom and Dad for the beautiful flowers, salsa and dinner money. Thanks Stacy for the yummy salsa and cookies. Thanks to all the many friends and family members who offered words of encouragement, put our names on prayer rolls at the temple and all the many prayers on our behalf.