His 5th Birthday...

Maddox turned 5 on Thursday 12/16/10. I can't believe he is already that old! He is already so grown up. He has been so excited for his birthday for months. I told him earlier this year he could have his first friend party this year. He was involved in planning his party every step of the way. Of course he wanted a Ben 10 theme and loved looking online with me for party supplies. He even insisted on putting all the invitations in the evelopes and hand delivering them himself. After I came home from the hospital on Friday several people asked me if I was still having his party on Tuesday. I didn't even think twice about canceling or rescheduling... he would've been so dissappointed! He was counting down the days at that point. I was really excited for him and it was a great distraction and I had fun getting ready for it.

Tuesday morning (the day of his party) he insisted on opening one of his presents from us... he couldn't wait any longer. He was very specific with what he wanted and he was so excited to finally have "Ben's car."

He seriously played with it all day long and transformed it back and forth between the car, submarine and jet. He didn't even want to go to school when it came time. He wouldn't even put it down during most of his party later in the afternoon.

Moving on to the party...

Birthday boy...

Guests...

Decorations...

Details...

As soon as everyone arrived (everyone came except the 3 that had previously rsvp'd) we played musical chairs...

Got to love technology... I totally used my phone to get on youtube and play the Ben 10 theme song :)

Next we opened presents...

... it was complete chaos! Everyone wanting Maddy to open their present next and Maddy opening them like he was never going to receive a present again in his life. I failed at trying to slow it down and it was all said and done within 5-10 minutes.

As you can see he was totally spoiled and got lots of nice things! Thanks everyone, it already feels like Christmas around here.

He also picked out some more Ben 10 things at the store with birthday money he got from cousins and grandma's.

After the present frenzy all the guests picked out a Ben 10 alien mask and we headed out to the garage for some pinata fun...

Maddy taking the first swing.

I gave the kids the choice of either taking a swing or choosing a string to pull. We only made it through 3 kids and the lucky string was pulled...

Since Maddy had a Ben 10 cake last year I convinced him to have cupcakes this year. We got Ben 10 rings to put on them and Jamie volunteered to make the cupcakes. She surprised us and also made Maddy his own little Ben 10 Omnitrix cake. He was so excited. Thanks so much Jamie-you are awesome!

Time to sing to the birthday boy and have some cupcakes and icecream...

The party was suppose to last for 1 1/2 hours. I thought we would run out of time. I was so wrong... it was crazy and everything happened so fast with so many young energetic kids. Luckily I had my sisters Jamie and Stacy and Steve there to help me (thanks for helping and thanks for taking pictures Jamie!) When we were done doing everything we still had about 1/2 hour before the kids parents would be picking them up so we decided to throw in one of Maddy's Ben 10 movies for the kids to watch. It worked like a charm and they finally calmed down for the most part...

On Thursday morning (his actual birthday) the first thing he said before even getting out of his bed was "I'm five!" I could hear him from my room. He then ran quickly into my room to tell me. It was so cute and he was so excited. Since his actual birthday was on Thursday we saved a few presents for him to open that morning.

Some more Ben 10 figures from us...

The Ben 10 Galvanic Gunship (aka "Ship") from Nana (which he was also so excited about)...

We also left up the decorations and saved his Omnitrix cake for his birthday and lit the candle and sang to him again after dinner (and ate cake of course.) He liked it so much he had us sing to him again the next night.

Maddy, We want you to know how much we love you! You are the light of our lives and we can't imagine our lives without you! You are very sensitive and have such a sweet spirit and are such a well mannered boy. You are a natural pleaser and do your best at everything (you are a bit of a perfectionist.) You excel at school and are already learning to read. You make friends so easily and your teachers adore you. You are very easy going but determined at the same time. You have become very independant and quite the helper. You love your sister and do such a great job taking care of her and making sure she is happy. Your Dad is your hero and you can't wait for him to come home everyday to play with you. You are very affectionate and give me so many hugs throughout the day. You still insist on getting hugs and kisses from everyone before bedtime. You are a heavy breather and sometimes snore when you sleep. You have a very sensitive stomach and as a result are already concious about eating healthy. You constantly ask me if things are healthy or if they have lots of sugar. Sometimes you like to sneak into our room during the wee hours of the morning and lay at the bottom of our bed. You are constantly making all kinds of sound effects when you are playing. You love the color green, gum, Ben 10, Max & Ruby, Bakugans, Hot Wheels, Legos, taking pictures with the camera, school, church, coloring, baths, swimming, playing games on the computer, playing with friends and watching movies and TV as a family. You are so curious about everything in life and are full of questions all day long. You are at such a fun stage in life and we can't wait to watch you learn and grow more (just slow down a little.) Love, Mom & Dad

Weight: 37 lbs. (22%)

Height: 43 in. (50%)

Tuesday 12/14/10-Thursday 12/16/10

The Story...

Warning: This post contains matter dealing with loss of pregnancy...

This is mostly for my record...

12 week baby bump (or lack of, weight -7)

Sunday 11/14/10

On Thursday 12/9/10 I lost my seventh pregnancy at 15 weeks, 4 days. I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday at 5 weeks. I called my Dr. the next morning and I was on Progesterone and baby aspirin by that evening. We were really hoping that my Progesterone levels were the reason I have had such a hard time staying pregnant. I was on Progesterone and baby aspirin with Maddox and he was my only full term baby. This pregnancy was pretty much complication free until around 9 weeks. I was very nauseas and tired as with previous pregnancies. I was taking Zofran which helped a little but I was still pretty miserable and had lost some weight. I started spotting around 9 weeks and had my first ultrasound at 10 weeks, 5 days on 11/5/10. Everything looked perfect and there were no signs of any bleeds on the ultrasound. The bleeding varied from light spotting to heavier like a period but never stopped. I had my second ultrasound at 11 weeks, 4 days on 11/11/10. Once again everything looked perfect and there were no signs of bleeds. It was noted that I had a very low placenta and that could possibly be the cause of the bleeding. Any type of lifting or pressure on the placenta could cause it to bleed. I was told to take it easy and rest as much as possible and not lift at all. I had my third ultrasound at 14 weeks, 2 days on 11/29/10. Once again everything looked perfect and there were no signs of bleeds (I also found out it was a girl and was so excited!) I was suppose to be on the Progesterone suppositories daily through 12 weeks and then start the Progesterone shots weekly for weeks 16-36. It has been shown to help with those who have had prior preterm deliveries. I had some extra suppositories and decided to use them instead of throw them away so I took them until 13 weeks 2 days. So at the time of my third ultrasound I had been off Progesterone for one week and was just waiting until I was 16 weeks to start the shots. I mentioned that to the Dr. and wondered if it might be a possibility that that was the reason I was bleeding heavier. I already had the progesterone and all the supplies for the shots so he said to go ahead and start the shots then rather than wait until 16 weeks. Steve (having prior medical experience) gave me the shots those two weeks. On Wednesday 12/8/10 I started cramping and bleeding heavier and I had a rough night that night and wasn't able to sleep much at all. Looking back now I'm pretty sure I was having contractions and not just cramping. I had contractions on and off all day Thursday. I went into the Dr.'s office around 2PM for a heartbeat check and everything was normal. Steve and I had a friends annual Christmas party to go to and left the house at 5:30 PM. While we were driving to the party I started feeling like I did before I delivered Avery at 25 1/2 weeks. My contractions were only minutes apart and I was feeling lots of pressure. I let Steve know that we may have to leave the party early. We were at the party for around an hour and we decided we better leave before we made a big scene. My contractions were as close as 2 minutes apart. We went straight to the American Fork ER dressed to the nines-Steve in a suit and I in a blouse, pencil skirt and 4 inch heals. We were really frustrated at the lack of urgency at the ER (isn't that always the case!) We were checked in and put in a room and then waited for an ultrasound. It seemed like forever because I was in labor at this point and having contractions every two minutes. They were getting worse and at about 9pm (about an hour after arriving) my water broke in the middle of a really bad contraction. I was a bit hysterical at this point and Steve ran out of the room to call for help. Finally there was a sense of urgency and they took me in for an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech wouldn't give us any information but I already knew at that point that it was bad news. I was taken back to the original room and lifted on the sheet from one bed to the other. The ER doctor came in and told us the baby was no longer in my uterus and was already in the birth canal. The ultrasound tech wasn't able to see the baby on the ultrasound until he put the wand lower on my thigh and pointed it up and saw she was in the birth canal. I'm sure that is the reason he had me lifted to the original bed rather than stand up myself... he didn't want to be the one doing the delivery. As soon as the Dr. gave us the news he delivered our tiny little girl. She was so perfect and all her features were already so developed... tiny fingerprints, footprints, ears, etc. She was about 7 inches long fully extended. My placenta however wasn't so excited to make an exit. Steve had called my sister Stacy (who lives really close to the hospital) while we were driving there so she was able to come and be with us. Thanks so much Stacy! Shortly after the delivery they had a "bereavement specialist" come to my room. She was such a sweet caring lady and spent a couple hours there making a special package for me to take home while we were waiting for the placenta to (hopefully) pass. She made ink prints of the babies tiny feet and hands (that were about the size of Barbie feet and hands), made ceramic molds of her hands and feet, cleaned her up and put a little pink bow on her head, wrapped a tiny robe around her and wrapped her in a blanket. She took some pictures of her as well as a couple of pictures of me holding her. I held her for a few minutes. We decided at about 11PM that Steve better get home so he could take the babysitter home (who was only planning on babysitting until around 9PM.) My placenta still hadn't passed and we were still waiting to see if it would or if I would need a D&C. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to have a D&C because I was trying to minimize the medical bills. I even passed on being given any pain medication through all the contractions and waiting. I waited until 3AM (6 hours post delivery) and at that point the Dr. and I decided to proceed with the D&C. My body was still pumping blood to the placenta and since the baby had already been delivered I was just contracting and bleeding out. My hematocrit levels had started dropping and they were worried they would have to give me blood. So I was prepped for surgery, talked to the OB that had been called in to do the surgery, signed some consent forms and was taken into the OR at 3:08AM. I was given some anesthesia and was told I would be intubated and that is all I remember until after the surgery. While in recovery I mentioned my back hurt (I feel most of my labor pains through my back) and so I was given some Morphine and was out of it for several hours. I woke up around 8:30AM very emotional. Reality had set in and I felt so sad and defeated. I had a good cry and then my nurse came in to check on me and give me the menu for room service (which is awesome I must say.) I ordered some breakfast (veggie omelette-I had been craving one recently and some hash browns-which I love, and milk.) Steve and the kids showed up to pick me up around 10AM... I was so glad to see them. They were right in time for breakfast, so of course the kids insisted I share my food with them. We had just told the kids I was pregnant a week or so before so of course Maddy had some questions right when they got there. He asked me where the baby was and why she died. I was so sad but tried to explain to him that she went back to live with our Heavenly Father. He also let me know he still wants another sister AND a brother. I guess technically the kids have five other siblings that they will hopefully someday meet...

"My Sweet Baby

I held you physically

For a brief moment

I hold you in my

Heart for always..."

15 weeks, 4 days

Thursday 12/9/10

Steve was so so amazing through this whole process. He has always been so caring and supportive when I'm pregnant and this time around was no exception. He just took over pretty much all the household responsibilities. He would just come home from work and see what needed to be done (which was pretty much everything) and just do it without saying anything or complaining. He did dishes, laundry, cleaned toilets, floors, grocery shopped, Christmas shopped for the kids, etc. He would also come home every night and make his own dinner, spend time with the kids, bathe them and put them to bed. I was in bed before them the majority of the time. I kept waiting for him to get burned out and frustrated but it never happened...

Thanks so much Steve... you are my rock! You made it a lot easier for me to get through the days and I am so grateful to have you in my life. I love you more than you will ever know!

School Christmas Party/Program...

Every year the kids pre school has such a fun open house Christmas party/program. Everything is decorated so beautiful and they have lots of yummy food, crafts and Santa is there of course. Maddy told Santa he wants "Kevin's car (Ben 10)," Avery a "Christmas baby." They also have all the kids come up and sing the Christmas songs they have learned in music class every 30 minutes. After the kids saw Santa we grabbed some of the yummy food. We didn't stay too long because we had to go pick up our family pictures we had taken in November. I was so excited to see them so as soon as they were ready I HAD to go get them. We went and picked them up and then went out for Thai food and looked at them while we were waiting for our food. It made for a fun night together.

Wednesday 12/8/10

Tree Trimming...

Several weeks ago Steve and the kids surprised my by putting up the tree one night after I had gone to bed. Well I guess I should say it was a process that took a few days. Steve brought it up one night and decided he wanted different ornaments and colors. So we only got the star on the tree that first night. A couple nights later after I was snoozing away he packed the kids up and took them to pick out new ornaments. They were up until almost midnight decorating the tree. I was so surprised the next morning to see it-I had no clue, I never even heard them leave the house. I really love how it turned out!

Maddy was so excited to put the star on the top... it was his first time.

Picture taken by Maddy. I changed the color but no other cropping or editing was done.

I especially love the little bird ornaments.

Maddy's "tree" ornament he made at school and brought home recently.

Avery's "wreath" ornament she made at school and brought home recently. If you look close you can see Avery and I in the gold ball ornament to the left of her wreath-kind of cool.

We also decided to pull out our old "shorter" tree and put it in the basement. I watched while Steve and the kids decorated this one as well.

Love the bow on the top of the tree that Steve made.

I love how cozy it makes the basement when we turn it on while watching TV downstairs.

Thanks Steve, Maddy and Avery for decorating the Christmas trees... they turned out beautiful and really put me in the Christmas Spirit!

Housekeeping...

Just wanted to give you all an update...

First and foremost we want to give a huge thanks to all of our friends and family that have been there to offer love and support to us recently. We are so grateful for you all! It makes a huge difference knowing so many people care. Thank you so much for all the kind words, prayers, thoughts, dinners, treats, flowers, gifts, etc. I received so many heartfelt emails, some of which many shared similar experiences they have dealt with. We are all doing well and getting back into the swing of things. We are so excited for Christmas and have been enjoying spending lots of time together as a family. Steve and I have been reminded how blessed we are to have each other and our two children (and what miracles they are) and we have really put a big focus on our relationships lately. We've been playing games (Maddy totally schooled Steve and I the first time we taught him to play "Sequence"), doing puzzles, eating dinner together every night, watching movies, going to various holiday parties, talking and just spending time together. Every day now Maddy says things like "Mom, I have a great idea... lets all eat dinner together and then... (insert something fun he wants to do.)"

I know I have been a huge blog slacker lately and it's so not like me. I was pretty sick right from the get go with the pregnancy and just wasn't up for much at all. Our computer also got a virus and was out of commission for a long time. After I came home from the hospital I had several things I HAD to get done that had deadlines so those were my top priorities. I'm finally to the point where life feels like it is back in balance so I will be posting a lot and getting all caught up asap... starting today (as long as I can find the programs I need on our computer that has nearly been wiped clean.)

Just a FYI, I switched my music play list from an auto start mode to a manual mode. Which means if you are one of the few that enjoys listening to my play list (because of course I have really good taste in music) you will have to scroll to the bottom of my blog and turn it on. I've never had any complaints but know from reading other blogs that some people are really annoyed with play lists that start automatically, so I finally decided to switch it. I have a lot of dead links on it as well and plan on getting that all fixed soon as well as update my sidebar and other misc stuff.

Last but not least I wanted to share a quote that a sweet friend of mine framed and gave to me. I love it and it has been very comforting to me lately...

"Sometimes God calms the storm.... Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child."

Heavy Heart...

After a long rough night spent in the ER (and with a very heavy heart), I wanted to let you all know that we lost our baby girl on Thursday evening at 15 weeks, 4 days gestation. Her tiny little body was perfect and she will always hold a special place in our hearts.

We want to thank all the many dear friends and family that have been so supportive and loving through this process, you have truly made our burden lighter.

No Words Necessary...

Funny Daddy, Mean Daddy...

Sunday we woke up to snow and Steve headed out to shovel. He was in the backyard shoveling the patio and Maddy decided he wanted to go out and play. Steve had told him that there was a Ben 10 toy hidden in the snow for him (which there wasn't) and so he was searching the whole backyard for a while until he finally realized Steve was teasing him. I had told Avery to stay in the house because she wasn't dressed for snow (short sleeved shirt and flip flops), as you can see she didn't listen. Steve took advantage of the situation and threw a shovel full of snow at her (I caught him in the act in the picture above)... so mean! After that she had a change of heart and came into the house pretty quick.

These kids sure do love their Daddy (and the snow!)

I took these pictures from inside the house through the window.

Sunday 11/28/10

Thanksgiving...

We hosted Thanksgiving again this year and had a wonderful day full of family, food and football. My parents and all of my siblings (and families) made it except Jen and Stacy. Will (a family friend) also joined us.

I made the turkey and green bean casserole and actually managed to get Steve to carve the turkey this year... he usually finds a way to pawn it off on somebody else.

Everyone was in charge of making some of the yummy food... even my brothers :)

We had all the traditional Thanksgiving food... turkey, mashed potatoes & gravy, stuffing, green been casserole, rolls, cranberry sauce, candied yams, variety of veggies, fruit bowl, pies, pumpkin rolls and ice cream. My Mom also made the slushy pineapple/banana/sprite drink that we used to always have at my Grandparents house every year at Thanksgiving when they were alive.

Of course Jamie was in charge of dessert... pies and pumpkin rolls because she does such an awesome job! Loved the peach pie Jamie!

Earlier Thanksgiving morning my parents took the kids to Wal Mart to get out of the house and let them each pick out a DVD. Of course Maddy picked out the only Ben 10 DVD he doesn't have and Avery picked out her favorite... Diego. Yep she would much rather watch Diego (or Ben 10) than Dora or any other "princess" show. It was a nice break for me and I actually got the house cleaned up, turkey cooking and got showered and ready for the day while they were gone. Thanks Mom and Dad!

Jamie and family.

Shalane, Lola and Will in the background.

My brothers searching KSL for cars.

Never a dull moment...

Got to love kissing cousins...

Thanksgiving Day

Thursday 11/25/10

My brother Shawn decided to stay with us for the weekend and made us some yummy spicy sausage/potato/jalapeno/kale soup for dinner one night and french toast for breakfast one morning. Thanks Shawnie-I absolutely LOVE it when other people cook for me! He also spent lots of time playing with the kids and I'm pretty sure he left our house wore out.

I am so thankful for all the wonderful people in my life! I am truly truly blessed! I hope you all had a awesome Thanksgiving and were able to take time to reflect on the blessings in your life.